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Monday, 19 March 2012

What to do in case of a zombie attack

The Walking Dead had its season finale on Sunday and if the Mad Men hiatus is anything to go by AMC won't get it back on the air until sometime in 2015. So that is kind of a bummer and yes I know there's the graphic novel, but once you've started watching the show it's really not the same thing. 

Then, and how's this for irony, there's the possibility of a zombie apocalypse between now and then, which means we'll never find out what happens to the survivors of the zombie apocalypse as portrayed in The Walking Dead...and there would be a real zombie apocalypse to deal with, even more of a bummer (or possibly your dream come true depending on your world view and/or socio-economic standing.

Ok no more The Walking Dead and legions of undead pounding on your door, what to do?

First of all if you're a fan of The Walking Dead then why have you allowed yourself to be ambushed by a bunch of damn zombies? Just because your favourite show is off the air for an indeterminate amount of time and the world as you know has come to and end is no reason to throw caution to the wind.

Well let's back up a bit. With AMC's hit series The Walking Dead off the air you've got time to take care of real world problems and prepare yourself for the coming zombie hordes, so you don't wake up one morning to find yourself breakfast for the undead.

First of all if it's not already make sure your door is made of reenforced steel and make sure your windows are covered by iron bars. The neighbours may laugh and say they're ugly but who'll be laughing when their craniums are appetizers at the zombie banquet - you that's who! 

You'll need food and water of course, so make sure to have several gallons of bottled water, energy bars and lots of Red Bull on hand (you may not have a lot of time to sleep in the early days of the apocalypse). Twinkies are no longer available (Hostess how could you) but there are other gas station snack cakes that have equally long shelf lives i.e. forever. Freeze dried meals are a must as well, but avoid can foods, to heavy and cumbersome, plus what if you lose your can opener then what? 

Of course weapons are important. Guns sure, a good reliable 12-guague and Colt Python .44 revolver are handy, but guns runout of ammo and then they're just paperweights plus gunfire attracts more zombies. In the end your firearms will most likely be needed most for keeping unwelcome human invaders at bay.

What you want is a nice long machete with a strong blade (for those all important skull cracking swings) and a good sized hatchet as back-up. Plus if we've learned nothing from The Walking Dead it's that a crossbow is indispensable. 

So you're stocked up with provisions and heavily armed. You've taken the proper precautions against being caught by surprise, but at some point you're going to need to bug out and head for the country. There's really only one choice for a zombie escape vehicle, a cold-forged Jeep YJ (with hard top of course). It doesn't have the mileage of diesel but when you're out on the highway looking for abandoned cars to siphon fuel from  you don't want to be looking for the one diesel car out of a hundred now do you?

There you have it, the complete zombie survival guide in less than 500 words. Now get out there and get ready for the apocalypse because you don't want to be the one others are laughing at as zombies dine on your small intestine do you?

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