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Showing posts with label Edward Cullen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edward Cullen. Show all posts

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Are the vampires in Twilight, well, vampires?

Technically Twilight purports to be a novel or series of novels about vampires, but is it really?
The quick answer is no, there's a werewolf in there as well.
But the long answer is...actually it's still just pretty much a no.
I guess the Edward Cullen character displays some typical vampiric qualities, immortal, can't tan, drinks blood, is really sensitive and caring, wait, what?
Yeah that last part is a problem for many fans of the vampire genre - Edward isn't a vampire, he's just another self-absorbed bad boy with 'issues' and a pale complexion.
He's the type girls like Bella tend to get all dreamy about and girls who read books with girls like Bella in them get all dreamy about. That however, as much as the author Stephenie Meyer may claim otherwise, does not make him a vampire. There's no real threat to him, and not much conflict either, other than deciding which shade of black to wear.
After centuries of literature that defined the vampire as a souless, dark, lurking, albeit in many cases, highly charismatic ghoul, who preyed on young women in a pseudo-sexual ritual that satisfied a deep, deep hunger, we're now introduced to someone who looks as if he belongs in a Gucci ad.
It just doesn't work, unless of course you happen to be a 17-year old girl who likes bad boys, but not if they're too icky.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Top 10 worst vampires

To maintain the yin and yang of the universe here as a counterpoint to the top ten are the top ten worst vampires ever to appear in popular culture.
#1 Robert Pattison as Edward Cullen, ummm, does this really need an explanation?
#2 Gary Oldman as Dracula, acting next to Keanu Reeves will make anyone look good, but this is the worst version of Dracula ever performed, despite Francis Ford Coppola's direction and those cool shades.
#3 John C. Reilly as Larten Crepsley in The Vampire's Assistant. John, John, John we have always been such big fans of your work, until this sad excuse for a film came along.
#4 Angie Everhart as Lilith in Bordello of Blood. The good thing about this film is Dennis Miller was still funny back in the mid-90s. Everything else, especially Everhart as the Lilith really, really sucked and not in the good vampire way.
#5 George Hamilton as Dracula in Love at First Bite.A vampire with a suntan, they didn't really think that one through did they? As bad as Hamilton is in this 1979 comedy, Oldman still gets our vote for worst Dracula portrayal.
#6 Langley Kirkwood as Count Orlock in Dracula 3000. It's called Dracula 3000 so really what would you expect? But just the same as low as most people would set the bar on this one Kirkwood could still get under it.
#7 Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandrige in the original Fright Night. This 1985 B movie wasn't actually that bad (which we presume is why they're releasing a remake) but Sarandon's disco lovin', gold medallioned , greasy looking, womanizing vampire held this movie back. Even if he could hypnotize women we still don't believe they'd go for him.
#8 Shane Brolly as Kraven in Underworld. As much as we like kate Beckinsale in PVC, we couldn't stand Brolly's performance, which consisted of him snarling ever bit of his dialogue. We imagine he thought that made him look menacing, we thought it just made him look pre-menstrual.
#9 Aaliyah as Queen Akasha in Queen of the Damned. Yeah this movie just pretty much sucked, also not in the good vampire way (we know same bad pun twice, but we don't care).
#10 Stuart Townsend as Lestat De Lioncourt in Queen of the Damned (see above).