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Sunday, 19 June 2011

Celebrities who may or may not be vampires

Have you ever played the who's a vampire game? Come on admit, we've all played a variation of it. Basically you look around and guess who, if there were vampires, would be the likeliest candidate, or who would make the best vampire.
Most do this with famous people for the simple reason that guessing whether or not the bus driver could be or would make for a good vampire seems slightly lamer. Just the same it's completely lame to pick people who have already played vampires. And if you pick Robert Pattinson, well sorry but you're an idiot, since he was never a good vampire on screen and would very likely be even worse in real life.
Same goes for Kate Beckinsale, although she does get points for looking exceptionally hot in PVC. Plus she has made movies that were actually good.
But speaking of Underworld, I'm going to go ahead and break my own rule (feel free to call me lame) and say Bill Nighy would very likely make a very good vampire in real life. Tall lanky, of a broad moral compass (at least most of the characters he plays are) and looks good in black.
Okay getting back to the original thesis, who would make a good vampire? Lady Gaga, pale skin, freaky looking, only seen at night, hell she probably does drink human blood for all we know.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, yes I'm serious, think about, wild staring eyes, weird accent, power hungry, he's a perfect vampire. Demi Moore, doesn't age, when's the last time anyone saw her out during the day. Tom Cruise, see Demi Moore. Actually when I think of those last two it does sort of freak me out, I mean what are they living on that allows them to look the way they do anyway.
Jerry Seinfeld, sure Jerry Seinfeld, why? I tell you why, file it under the guy you would have least expected that's why. Plus he's kind of pale looking.
Henry Kissinger, powerful, can't be killed, has hypnotic like powers over world leaders, he could definitely be a vampire, if he's not already one.


  1. Tom Cruise has played a vampire, my friend. Interview With a Vampire, starring role.

  2. No kidding, my bad. I had forgotten there were actually roles I liked Tom Cruise in. He should go back to playing vampires, he'd seem less creepy.

  3. I was always convinced Michael Jackson was a vampire. I mean, talk about pale! So when people start claiming he's not really dead, and has been spotted with Elvis somewhere, I go...yup. And about Elvis...

    Totally agree with Alan about Tom Cruise being less creepy as a vampire. (Although the man was brilliant in Born on the Fourth of July.)

    Arnold even has those teeth. And Henry Kissinger? Oh, yeah.

  4. My God Anne, you're right, how did I not think of Michael Jackson? Talk about someone who had all of the marks of the undead.

    Elvis as a vampire...mmmm, that could be a good story.