Bilbo Baggins versus the Undead

Those of you who have seen the The Hobbit over the holidays are now familiar with the adventures of Bilbo Baggins. However even if you became aware of the tales of this rare adventurous hobbit as a child, as I did, you still are likely unfamiliar with his less publicized exploits against the undead.

Why doesn't Middle earth have undead, vampires and zombies as we do here on our plane of existence? Many Lord of the Rings fans have asked over the years. The answer of course is that they did and still do, J.R.R Tolkien just never got to that part of the history of Middle Earth, or, as some have suggested, it was just too terrifying to relate to readers of the day.

Now The Loneliest Vampire Blog brings that dark saga to light. But consider yourself forewarned these are tales of terror and horror not lighthearted, adventurous romps. Ironically Bilbo Baggins began his fight against the undead while on his first adventure, as told by Tolkien in 'There and Back Again' a.k.a 'The Hobbit' but left out this element out of his saga, again, perhaps because he felt readers in his day just weren't ready for it.

To be continued...

Hunger Games and the modern Vampire

With the huge success of the new Hunger Games movie over the weekend we thought we'd sit down and chat with Sylvna the villian/heroine (depending on the universe she's occupying) of The Loneliest Vampire in NYC and get her take on the whole girls/women kicking ass phenomenon.

LVB: So first off have you seen the movie, read the book or both?

Sylvna: Both, I liked them. My only criticism is that Katniss chick needs to up her game a bit.

LVB: How so?

Sylvna: She's wayyyy to nice or good or whatever you want to call it. She kind of waits around for everyone else to make a mistake, which is great if you get lucky, but I think at some point you got to start   impaling people.

LVB: But isn't the point that she's not evil, she's trying to preserve her humanity in the face of a barbaric game?

Sylvna: I guess, whatever. I'd rather just tear out a few hearts and get back to shopping.

LVB: You say that but what would the 'good' Sylvna say?

Sylvna: What are you talking about, I am good, I'm not that evil bitch running around Manhattan. is that who you thought I was?

LVB: Well you two do look a lot alike.

Sylvna: Hardly, for starters she dresses like a complete skank, whereas I never step outside unless fashionably attired. Plus what's with that hair?

LVB: What you mean how it changes colour?

Sylvna: Yes, it's weird, you'll note I'm consistently blond even when my mood changes, unlike that other freak.

LVB: Uh...touche.

Sylvna: Not to mention she's a complete sociopath, God I can't believe you mixed us up!

LVB: You're not going to kill us are you?

Sylvna: No I'm not, because I'm good, good people don't go around putting their hands through the chest cavity of lazy journalists who can't be bothered to do a little pre-interview research.

LVB: That's a relief. So what's next for the Good Sylvna?

Sylvna: I might take up archery, it looks like fun.

10 technologies vampires could use to lure their prey

Considering how profoundly it’s changed our lives, it’s small wonder that high tech has infiltrated the furthest reaches of society, and beyond. Consider the vampire. Once resigned to roaming the shadows in search of victims, save for the occasional flight of fancy in the form of a bat, these denizens of the dark no longer have to rely purely on pot luck for their dinners. There are at least 10 technologies that vampires can use to lure their prey: see link below



http://www.dslserviceproviders.org/blog/10-technologies-vampires-could-use-to-lure-their-prey/

Xmas and The Loneliest Vampire in NYC

What says Merry Xmas more than bloodsucking vampires? Well a few things do come to mind, however imagine your loved one's glee this holiday when she discovers that dream about Santa sucking her blood was really just a repressed memory about her creepy uncle and the only vampire in the house is The Loneliest Vampire in NYC on her Kindle. So get over to Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B005JST3OC?*Version*=1&*entries*=0) before they sell out (no they don't really, but you know the web could go down or something). Or you could order  a hardcopy from CreateSpace, which I will happily autograph for you if you invite me over... and provide scotch, I must have scotch or I stay at home! 

Rave reviews for The Loneliest Vampire in NYC

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JST3OC

This month, I wasn’t sure about which book to write. I hadn’t read any thing ‘transformative’ in a while, but just the same I wasn’t feeling the need to educate or better myself. No what I wanted was a good, rousing story that I could leap into while plunked down on the leather sofa.

In need of inspiration, I turned to the old standby Fang Fiction, perhaps more commonly known as vampire literature. There is, as most of you know, a surfeit of tales regarding all manner of supernatural creatures on the bookshelves (both real and virtual) these days. Most feature a vampire or nosferatu as I like to call them, in some incarnation or other. I perused several, but none caught my fancy, then it happened. I discovered The Loneliest Vampire in NYC.

The Loneliest Vampire in NYC is a wonderfully original novel. Ostensibly about said lonely vampire of the book’s title (Stanley) it is in fact a well-crafted mystical adventure story. Although it is fast-paced enough to entertain even the most benumbed, video game addicted reader, it still finds time to go into the back stories of several key characters and help create a rich universe for these characters to inhabit.

It was in fact in these asides that I found the author, Alan Forsythe, to be at his most masterful in his writing. I found myself rereading the stories (within the story) of Chung Lee Soo and Chester K. Elliot and relished their magical realism.

As a fan of history I also enjoyed the ‘mash-up’ elements, where historical figures and places were melded into the plot.

As I noted, this is hardly great literature, but it is a great take on a genre that has seen a great deal of redundancy in recent years. The author has hinted he has plans to continue the story as a series or at least another book. I do hope this is the case and I look forward to the continuing adventures of Stanley, his misfit companions and his ladylove.

- Jackson Maxwell, Sea to Sky News. 

Twilight author cries foul

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JST3OC
Mega-selling Twilight author Stephenie Myers (or someone purporting to be that person) has (it's rumoured) on The Loneliest Vampire in NYC's use of a vampire, werewolf, mortalgirl love tri-angle, reportedly saying, 'that's totally what my book was about but that one's all gross and icky so it's kindof twisted.'
Actually the vampire, werewolf, mortal girl  love triangle is a very small part of The Loneliest Vampire in NYC and it's not so much a love triangle as a survivor triangle.
for more see: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JST3OC

The Loneliest Vampire in NYC now available on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JST3OC

Interview with a vampire part II

If you're just catching up with our interview with vampire Stanley (last name withheld) the so-called Loneliest Vampire in NYC then please see the start of the interview below.
For those of you following the series we pick up where we left off, Stanley describing his life as one of the immortal undead over drinks at a local Vancouver watering hole.

Us: On a different note - what prompted you to tell your story to the world in the first place?

Stanley: Well like I said, I'm immortal so there's a lot of hours to fill, and I figured what the hell might as well set the record straight.

Us: Your record?

Stanley: Mine sure, but also the world of the undead that gets so misrepresented in the media today. I mean it's just like that book series you mentioned earlier where the vampires 'sparkle' in the sunlight. So kids read that and think - hey what the hell I could be a vampire, it's no big deal, so you 'sparkle from tie to time I can live with that. But you don't 'sparkle' you die painfully. Plus there's so many other things to watch out for; Christian fanatics trying to put a stake in your heart, witches (hey there's a reason it rhymes with bitches) and then there's other vampires...

Us: And that seems to be your biggest pet peeve - other vampires?

Stanley: You call it pet peeve, I call it protecting citizens from an unholy alliance of evil vampires bent on the destruction of the mortal world.

Us: Well yes, there is that, but you were already ostracized by the other vampires before you began battling them isn't that correct?

Stanley: Yes, but...

Us: And weren't you somewhat of an unwilling combatant as well?

Stanley: What is this you have an axe to grind or something?

Us: Not at all just trying to get at the truth of the matter.

Stanley: Alright, 'the truth of the matter' is that yeah I have always been something of an outcast amongst the vampires, but I take that as a source of pride considering what a bunch of freaks they are. As for being unwilling, any sane person is going to have second thoughts about jumping into some of the situations I have, but despite that I think I've always given a pretty good account of myself when push came to shove.

To be cont.

Who is Chester K. Elliot?

Chester K. Elliot born 1873 - died 1909? Bronx County, New York.

American inventor, amateur scientist, investigator of occult phenomenon, author of several non-fiction books including 'New York's Underworld and its Supernatural Inhabitants' (1907, Urban Publishing), founder of the Lower Manhattan School of Parapsychology and rumoured leader of the vampire resistance movement.    
Gave several lectures on parallel universes and alternate realities at Columbia University but never published his hypothesis. Although he did carry on a long correspondence with German physicist Max Planck, which ended when Elliot discovered his letters to Planck were being intercepted and read by the Vampire Secret Service.
Disappeared without a trace after visiting a close friend on the evening of January 1909, missing ever since and presumed dead, possibly the victim of foul play. His sudden disappearance remains a great mystery to this day and has spawned a great many conspiracy theories about who was behind his disappearance and likely his death.
Elliot was survived by his wife Anna Elliot who passed away from heart failure in 1953. 

A word about Fenton, which is not the Loneliest Vampire in NYC

Yes my book release has been delayed by about a month. Originally slated for late June it will now be out at the end of July (I promise the wait is worth it). I've had my blog and book trailer out there for a while now and apparently someone has published what she is calling a book, but is actually a short story, under the title The Loneliest Vampire, coincidence? Possibly. But just to clear up any confusion this short story is not my book. My novel, The Loneliest Vampire in NYC is over 90,000 words in length and will be out soon everywhere books are sold.

Loneliest Vampire the play

This is an abbreviated version of the play that eventually became The Loneliest Vampire in NYC the novel. I wrote it for the Here Be Monsters Festival last fall and thought I might expand it as I did Night of the B Movie, but there was just way too much I wanted to do with the character of Stanley and the other characters I wanted to add. Stanley in the play is a lot more bloodthirsty than in the novel and the Girl (Anika Andrews in the book) would never ask Stanley or anyone to kill her ex-boyfriend. Although Chet does make an appearance in the novel.

The Loneliest Vampire in NYC

By Alan Forsythe

Bare stage, implied quiet street in Manhattan. A girl sits on a bench reading a book. It is one of the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers.

Enter Stanley a vampire.

STANLEY: Yes I am a Vampire, I just like to get that out of the way up front to avoid any awkwardness. So now of course you’re all thinking I’m going to swoop down and devour that girl over there. But you’d be wrong, what I’d really like to do is go over there chat her up a bit and get a phone number or maybe we could be facebook friends. Then maybe we could grab a coffee sometime and she could get to know the real me.

Girl flips page of book, Stanley paces a bit.

STANLEY: Okay I confess that seems a little desperate, especially for a vampire. But I tell you, it’s not easy being basically immortal and having no social life. There are vampires out there living the good life, keeping up the whole sex crazed vampire image. I’m just not one of them. And you know who I blame for my misfortune – HBO and fucking Stephanie Meyers. Thanks to True Blood, Twilight and a couple of other unrealistic portrayals of vampires I’m constantly being compared to brooding teenagers.

Girl flips another page, Stanley paces some more.

STANLEY: It get’s a little depressing, I know brain dead zombies that have more of a social life than me, and seriously, why do brain dead zombies even need a social life?

GIRL: Hey mister can you stop muttering over there I’m trying to read.

Stanley walks over to the girl.

STANLEY: Hi.

Girl looks up, a little distracted.

GIRL: Uh, yeah, hi.

STANLEY: You don’t find me to possess a certain hypnotic attraction?

Girl looks up again.

GIRL: More like a certain hypnotic repulsion.

STANLEY: Oh come on that’s harsh.

GIRL: Hey mister I’m just trying to read here.

STANLEY: Yes I see, Twilight, which is about vampires, so aren’t you, well intrigued by me?

Girl looks up again and gives Stanley the once over indifferently.

GIRL: No should I be?

STANLEY: Well I am a vampire, or as I prefer vampyre, the Nosferatu.

The girl gives Stanley a more careful appraisal.

GIRL: Mmmmmm, no.

STANLEY: No, what do you mean no?

GIRL: You’re not a vampire or vampyr or whatever.

STANLEY: I assure you I am.

GIRL: Sure, have it your way.

She goes back to her book.

STANLEY: Now you’re just humouring me.

GIRL: (without looking up) Basically.

STANLEY: You know I am a dark creature of the night, I could drain your blood and make you my undead slave.

Girl looks up.

GIRL: So does that line work a lot?

STANLEY: I’m just saying is all. One would think one would be a little more impressed when confronted with a vampire.

GIRL: One would wouldn’t one.

STANLEY: That’s right. Wait, I lost track who are we talking about now?

GIRL: (exasperated) Heavy sigh.

STANLEY: heavy sigh?

GIRL: Yes heavy sigh, as in I’m extremely bored. Oh my God!

The girl suddenly lifts her book in front of her face.

STANLEY: What’s wrong?

GIRL: It’s that asshole Chet, I don’t want him to see me (beat) talking with you.

STANLEY: Well why do you care if he’s an asshole?

GIRL: Just never mind, he’s a prick and I hate him.

STANLEY: You know if you want I could drain his jugular and leave him face down in a gutter for the rats to pick over his corpse.

The girl lowers her book, suddenly interested.

GIRL: Really, you’d do that for me?

STANLEY: Sure, why not, besides, I’m feeling a tad peckish.

GIRL: Well okay, I mean only if it’s no big deal or anything.

STANLEY: It’s no problem at all. I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.

Stanley walks off stage.

STANLEY: (OS) Hey are you Chet?

CHET: (OS) Uh, yeah, who the fuck are you?

Suddenly they are blood curdling screams from off stage. The Girl watches onstage from her bench.

Stanley re-enters, his shirt and face now stained heavily with blood. He approaches the Girl.

STANLEY: Well, mission accomplished.

The Girl looks off stage and then up at Stanley, now with some awe.

GIRL: Yeah, that was cool, you totally just killed him.

STANLEY: I am a vampire after all.

GIRL: Yeah you are, wow that’s neat.

STANLEY: Soooo, anyway, would you like to get a coffee or something?

GIRL: Uh, yeah, why not.

She gathers up her things and takes Stanley’s arm, and they walk off together.

GIRL: So do you have your own coffin and everything?

STANLEY: It’s more of a wooden box really, but I’m fixing it up, it’s you know, rustic.

They exit.

Lights down

Zombies versus vampires

By Alan Forsythe

The two biggest fears in our post-millenial age, based on popular culture, apparently are the zombie apocalypse and vampires (I guess we have nothing else to worry about in today's society).
So who wins in a battle between zombies and vampires? And don't kid yourself vampires would be fighting zombies right along with us, they would be our greatest ally (in the event of the aforementioned zombie apocalypse).
Why? Well surely it's obvious, if the world is taken over by zombies what the hell do the vampires do, not much fun for them. And if they fed on zombies would their be zombie vampires, damn straight there would be (you would have to stake them and cut of their head).
So who wins between zombies and vampires, well let's just hope it doesn't come to that, just the same zombie versus vampire, mmmmm......